mom's day

Mothers day is weird. I love seeing all the pictures and sweet comments celebrating your moms, but I am not going to lie, I am bitter. Bitter that this is my 9th mothers day without my mom to hug. Jealous that you even have pictures to post with your moms, while I only have pictures from my first 13 years. Bitter that your moms get to see you begin dating the love of your life, go through high school and college, move out on your own. Angry that I can't hear my mom's beautiful and contagious laugh fill the room, or see her blue eyes literally sparkle when all of her babies are together in one place. I find myself not necessarily feeling sad but just angry. Like I deserve to have my mom here for all these moments. Why me? Why was my mom only able to see me up until my awkward braces stage? Only see my 2 sisters barely reach elementary school and only see sweet Cole at 4 years old? It is not fair. It just isn't. 
I can continue to feel sorry for myself, angrily scrolling through all these sweet mothers day posts..or I can look at it in another light. My mom taught me how to love others, instilled in me my love for children, showed us the importance of keeping Jesus the center of everything. My mom showed us how to keep dancing and laughing no matter what. We learned the art of wendy's fries dipped in frosties and she introduced us to Starbucks frappacinos at a very early age. She exemplified living your life for Christ and always giving to others before yourself. We learned so much! And we are so lucky for those years with her, though they may have been cut shorter than we would've chosen. My mom showed us unconditional love, sacrifice, and support. She flourished as a mom and everyone who knew her, knew how much she loved being our mother. 
She gave us everything we could've ever imagined. She was so so sick and did everything she possibly could to keep our lives "normal". She never wanted us to see her not feeling well. Even if she was in bed from the time we got on the bus in the morning, she would do everything she could to be up and downstairs when we got home in the afternoon. She was so worried about us coming to visit her in the hospital because she didn't want us seeing her like that. She protected us from every pain and suffering she possibly could while here on Earth. She told us over and over and over that Jesus was in control, that He could most certainly heal her, but that He may have another plan in store. She was everything to us, even in her sickest days.

I know she is looking down from the streets of gold just counting down the days till her babies will be with her again. And what a wonderful day that will be!

Carrie Fogleman at roughly 22

Skin care

Let's talk about our skin!

Recently, I've taken an interest in taking care of my face. Weird, but I've never really done much besides moisturize it every night. I've been reading some blogs and articles and suddenly felt lead to make a change in my routine. It's small but mighty and paired with this incredibly foundation I've discovered..its fool proof!! (The below photo is 100% edit free. Like what!!)

Rose oil. This stuff is liquid gold. I picked up some rose oil blend by Pixi at target on Monday. 5 days ago. Not even 2 days later of daily AM and PM application of 2 measly drops on my face and I felt and saw a huge difference. Like I said, liquid gold!! I don't even need to moisturize my face any more. This stuff does it all; moisturize, tighten, smooth. So basically everything you could ever want in a face product. The bottle is cute and will last forever since you only use 4 drops a day!

Next product... No. 7 airbrush away foundation. A famous blogger posted this foundation earlier this week, and normally I don't believe those "sponsored ads", but I decided to give this one a shot and man I'm glad I did. It's thin yet covers just enough, feels like you aren't even wearing makeup all day, LASTS ALL DAY, and also comes in cute packaging ;) If you try it and aren't satisfied I'll pay you $5. Like honestly it's so worth it. I've tried so many different foundations..at different price ranges..and never felt like I truly found "the one". Well now I have and I'm sooo in love. 

Combine these 2 products and you will see results in less than a week. Promise. My face is smooth and perfectly moisturized and just feels good. It's hard to describe but just trust me!!! 

Diy mid century desk

Several months before I even found my current apartment, I knew I needed a desk. I had one in my room at my parents..but it was big and bulky and not exactly what I was picturing for my new space. My sisters and dad went with me to lowes and took a picture on Pinterest and made it come to life! 

I adore this desk and adore how EASY it was too. There were some parts where Dad took over, but for the most part i was able to build this desk with little guidance and I am so proud! It's exactly what I was picturing and makes my living room complete. 

Natural makeup

It took me a while to join the nude makeup train, but I've finally hopped on.

I always thought that with my coloring it just didn't work, but it's all about choosing the right shade of nude. 

I chose to pair this nude lip from Too Faced with simple eyeshadow but dramatic lashes. I love lashes. They're my favorite part of doing my makeup. Especially having blonde eyelashes, mascara is just plain magic. 

Also, so loving eyebrows lately. Mine are so light but I can still fill them in properly and it truly completes my entire makeup look. 

Products used:

Anastasia dipbrow pomade in blonde. 

Loreal true match lumi in shade N3

NYX eyeshadow in vixen (eyebrow highlight)

Makeup geek eyeshadow in unexpected

LORAC eyeshadow in deep purple

Loreal true match super blendable blush in baby blossom

Hard Candy so baked bronzer in tiki (highlighter)

Eyelure lashes #080

Rimmel glam'eyes mascara (absolute favorite mascara ever)

Too Faced melted lipstick in melted sugar

Christmas wrapping on a budget

It's a few days before Christmas, and if you're anything like me, you're suddenly panicking remembering the gifts you still need to wrap, and the gifts you still need to buy (guilty).

I knew I wanted to make my gifts pretty, classic, but most importantly cheap. So I did what any sane person would do- I grabbed the keys and headed to Target. Of course, I went to the dollar section first, really not expecting to find anything. But alas, I was pleasantly surprised. Target for the win. 

I found plain brown gift tags, red and green twine, metallic trim, and plain brown twine all for $1. I was so excited to get home. 

I figured I wouldn't find anything else for that cheap, but I checked out the actual Christmas section in the back of the store. Surprise number two was finding this cute plaid ribbon for $1.50, plain brown wrapping paper for $2 and actually cute-not-cheesy gift bags... So good.

The fact that I spent just about $10 for all this was so exciting to me. I didn't have to deal with over the top snowman covered wrapping paper with ordinary shiny bows. 

The icing on the cake was remembering the metallic sharpies in the back of my desk and the giant evergreen tree in my front yard. Snipped a couple branches, grabbed some pine cones, and I was ready. 

Making your gifts looked perfectly wrapped is pressure that many people face, but just remember, you don't have to break the bank on something that will literally be ripped apart in a few days anyway. ♥️

A Letter to Heaven

 Dear Mom,

It’s that time of year again..December 10^th is a few days away and I can’t get you off my mind. I cannot believe you have been gone for 8 years. How has it been that long? At the same time, weren’t you just here yesterday?

Mom, I miss you so much.

We all do. Lots of people do. You’re my favorite topic of conversation. Surprising, huh? Some people have a hard time talking about a loved one who has passed..it’s too much for them..or they are a puddle of tears every single time..but not me. I talk about you so often, everyone at the house does too. I love that, Mom. It’s what you would have wanted.

I just want you to know, we are doing okay.

Life is really good right now. Really, really good. Can you believe two of your daughters are in college? Not only that, but following in your footsteps to become elementary education teachers, hoping to make a positive influence on as many kids as possible? Me either.

Abby is in her first year of college and killing it. I mean it, Mom, she is doing SO well. I know you are beaming with pride. She handles her classes and balances nannying these 5 children like a pro. Not many people would be capable of that, but she is, which I’m sure you already knew. She is still stubborn just like you. I remember that so well about you, and when I see it in Abby, it just makes me smile. She handles her diabetes amazingly. Sometimes I even forget she has to depend on insulin to live every single day. I know you are hoping for a cure just as much as we are, but until then, know she is doing just fine. She is seriously so grown up. That sounds cliché, but its true. I feel like even in the past 6 months, she’s grown tremendously, and we have bonded even more. It is so cool. You would love it if you were here. We share lots of the same memories of you, which is such a blessing. We can’t go to dairy queen without thinking about you ordering a chocolate cone dipped in butterscotch. We will be walking through a store, and something catches both of our attention, and we know that we both instantly thought of you. It is so cool, Mom. I’m sure you smile when that happens.

And Holly..she’s only 16, and about to graduate highschool. As a junior. This May. How unusual and plain awesome is that?! She has one semester left of highschool and she is doing just fine, combining her junior year and senior classes into one year. That’s not normal, Mom. She is clearly special, but you knew that since the day she was born, I’m sure. She is also growing up so quickly. I know I’m only a few years older but MAN. I see some of her classmates and I’m blown away with the comparision. She is also so good with children. Every weekend she’s somewhere watching some group of kids, making bank, and loving it. She’s just as strong willed and outspoken as she was as an 8 year old, the last you saw her. That creates some interesting (silly) fights between us girls, but they never last more than 5 minutes, which I’m sure makes you smile as well. Holly and Abby are both my best friends. I don’t think most siblings can say that and TRULY mean it. But I do. I can’t believe I was blessed with such supportive, honest, loving sisters. Thank you for raising us girls to invest time in one another and to be intentional.

Cole..what a little man. Really, he is so so so old! If you saw him now, Mom, you would probably just sob. He’s not your little boy anymore. The 4 year old who would sit on your lap and talk to you as if nothing was wrong during your last days on earth, is now a 12 year old soccer superstar. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit (sister problems), but I know you would consider him the same. He is so talented and so aware of it too ;) He is getting better at humility in sports and is such a good team player, unlike many boys his age. He is in his first year in middle school. MIDDLESCHOOL!! He was literally just a tiny preschooler, riding his mini john deer tractor around the yard. Now, he’s begging for a hover board, sneaking entire advent calendars full of chocolate, and an avid xbox lover (like way way loves it). I’m sure you’re shaking your head just thinking about how times have changed since you were last here on earth with us, Mom.

And me..I’m so happy. The happiest I’ve ever been, truly, which I’m sure you can see. I’m an adult now, which is so weird, but loving it. I’m looking into moving into my own apartment soon, and I am so ready and so excited. (I know Dad isn’t totally ready, and I’m sure you wouldn’t be either, but I need to learn on my own).  I’m making big girl decisions every single day, and balancing full time school, taking care of these 5 kids Abby and I nanny, and trying to find time to see my boyfriend too. Oh mom..you would love him. I know you would. I hate that you don’t know him, and that he doesn’t know you, but I know you’re looking down and so happy that your first baby girl is so well taken care of and so loved by such a godly young man. I always looked up to you and dad so much, how in love you were, how you put God first in your relationship, and always dreamed of having that. I finally know what it’s like, giving your needs up for someone else’s. I wish you could sit and talk with him. Hear his laugh. See how hard he works, see how much he shows me Jesus, see his beautiful smile. I can’t wait for you to meet him someday. What a joyous day that will be.

I just wish you were here.

Especially this time of year, I’m not sad really. I wouldn’t call it that. I’m just…bummed. If you were here, you could see Cole’s victory dance down the field when he scores a goal. If you were here, you could see how close me, Abby, and Holly are. If  you were here, you could see how well Stacy fits into our family-not taking your place, but making her own. If you were here, you could know our second wheaten terrier, Rosie. You loved Kipper so much, and had such a special bond. I know you would’ve loved Rose just the same.

If you were here, you would be sitting inside by the front door, telling Leah and I to unwrap the 3 strands of lights we just tightly wrapped around the tree, only to do it again. If you were here, you would see that exact tree being cut down this week, leaving an empty spot in our front yard. I know its just a tree, but I have memories tied with that tree. Memories of you and dad building this house, picking out what plants to grow and where to place them, watching that tiny little sapling grow over the years-and now its gone. Pulling up to the house last night and seeing a bunch of logs where that tree stood just a few hours earlier hit me deep. I wasn’t expecting it and didn’t quite know what to do. But I just feel a little empty inside.

I just want you to know that it was all worth it.

All the doctor waiting rooms, the awkward conversations, hospital visiting hours, wearing masks when we went in to see you so that we wouldn’t make you sick..It’s all okay, Mom.

For all the “normal” childhood activities that were always tainted with the word “cancer”. For all the afternoons where you couldn’t even get out of bed when we got off the bus. For all the serious conversations on the family room couch. For all the women in our house, taking over the role of Mom for a few days at a time. It is okay.

Our childhood was not normal. That is clear. But it was worth it. Because we got a few more years with you. The one who physically brought us into the world, who held our sick bodies, who forced us to eat salmon (still mad about that), who kept us safe, who made sure we always felt loved, who baked cookies right before we came home from school, who brought home the best dog in the world, who taught us Jesus. Our time was cut short, but it was enough. You were the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I promise I’m not just saying that. Yes, you had your moments, as you should. But Mom, you were so incredible. Anyone who knew you would agree. I want you to know I will never forget all you did for us. How hard you fought to get better for your children. How you showed us faith unlike any other.

I will never forget how you would turn on Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, grab the candlesticks from the mantle and sing into them like a microphone.

I will never forget how much you loved chocolate. Especially those truffles from trader Joes.

I will never forget how you couldn’t walk around the house without socks because your feet were always so cold.

I will never forget your love for Wendy’s fries dipped in a frosty or chili. Or how you drove all the way back one day after we got home because they forgot your fries in the drive thru line.

I will never forget your love for this time of year. How much you loved the garland around the staircase. How excited you were to give us our presents on Christmas morning. My love for Christmas comes from you, I’m certain.

I will never not think of you when I hear “Shackles” by Mary Mary…it instantly puts a smile on my face.

Lately, I’ve been told I look like you. That doesn’t happen too often usually, probably because my hair is so different than yours, but I guess my facial expressions have been just like yours lately. That is such an honor, Mom. You were the most beautiful lady I ever knew. To even slightly resemble you would be more than I could ever ask.

I can’t wait to tell my children about you someday. I know its far off, but I think about it. I think about all the little fun things you did with us, and I plan to do many with my own children. I promise Mom, they will always know who you were, and what you did to impact so many, including myself. My children will be able to talk about and bring you up as often as they want. It’s something I want more than anything.

I guess I should go now. I know you’re loving all the dancing and worshipping up there, and I can picture the beautiful smile that I know is on your face constantly.

Thank you for giving Abby, Holly, Cole, and I life and thank you for teaching us what it means to love Jesus with our whole hearts. I hope we make you proud for the rest of our days on earth. Love you, mama.

6 months with Nala

When we first picked up Nala from a lady on Craigslist (sketchy, I know), we were told she was 8 week old Catahoula Leopard puppy. After a trip to the vet where she weighed 2.5 lbs, we discovered she was just barely 5 weeks and definitely not a Catahoula. Nala baby was in perfect condition though and has been so fun the past 6 months. We still don't know what she is exactly; one vet said a lab/hound mix, someone else guessed a lab/beagle mix, and one more swears she's a lab/pointer. Either way, we love her. She loves rope toys, sniffing everywhere, sleeping on her memory foam bed insert OUTSIDE of her bed, jumping up to wrap her front legs around my waist, sitting and watching people (for crazy amounts of time) and chasing laser pointers. 

Watch the video here!