mom's day

Mothers day is weird. I love seeing all the pictures and sweet comments celebrating your moms, but I am not going to lie, I am bitter. Bitter that this is my 9th mothers day without my mom to hug. Jealous that you even have pictures to post with your moms, while I only have pictures from my first 13 years. Bitter that your moms get to see you begin dating the love of your life, go through high school and college, move out on your own. Angry that I can't hear my mom's beautiful and contagious laugh fill the room, or see her blue eyes literally sparkle when all of her babies are together in one place. I find myself not necessarily feeling sad but just angry. Like I deserve to have my mom here for all these moments. Why me? Why was my mom only able to see me up until my awkward braces stage? Only see my 2 sisters barely reach elementary school and only see sweet Cole at 4 years old? It is not fair. It just isn't. 
I can continue to feel sorry for myself, angrily scrolling through all these sweet mothers day posts..or I can look at it in another light. My mom taught me how to love others, instilled in me my love for children, showed us the importance of keeping Jesus the center of everything. My mom showed us how to keep dancing and laughing no matter what. We learned the art of wendy's fries dipped in frosties and she introduced us to Starbucks frappacinos at a very early age. She exemplified living your life for Christ and always giving to others before yourself. We learned so much! And we are so lucky for those years with her, though they may have been cut shorter than we would've chosen. My mom showed us unconditional love, sacrifice, and support. She flourished as a mom and everyone who knew her, knew how much she loved being our mother. 
She gave us everything we could've ever imagined. She was so so sick and did everything she possibly could to keep our lives "normal". She never wanted us to see her not feeling well. Even if she was in bed from the time we got on the bus in the morning, she would do everything she could to be up and downstairs when we got home in the afternoon. She was so worried about us coming to visit her in the hospital because she didn't want us seeing her like that. She protected us from every pain and suffering she possibly could while here on Earth. She told us over and over and over that Jesus was in control, that He could most certainly heal her, but that He may have another plan in store. She was everything to us, even in her sickest days.

I know she is looking down from the streets of gold just counting down the days till her babies will be with her again. And what a wonderful day that will be!

Carrie Fogleman at roughly 22