Summer is here

Today was a good one. It was my last day of classes as a Grace College Indianapolis Weber student. I got an A on my final, we had a party after class, and ate yummy food. It was absolutely perfect outside; not too hot yet, the perfect mix of warmth with a subtle breeze. Holl and I decided to venture off and take a few pictures, which always ends up an adventure. 

[Can we discuss how OLD she looks?? I'm still in denial that she only just turned 15, because I swear she looks like she's in her 20's. Not. Fair. ]

I can't believe summer is already here. It feels like I just transferred to GCI yesterday. But then I blinked, and I'm getting invitations to our "sophomore celebration" in the mail. My first two years in college have been nothing like I ever would have imagined. But it was clear that God's plans were far greater than mine. I wouldn't trade my experiences, both good and bad, for anything. 

After much thought and consideration, I have decided to attend the GOAL program in the fall. GOAL is a 16 month program, offered through Grace Indy, where I will earn my bachelors in Management. As far as after that, I have no idea where the Lord is going to take me. I'm praying that He will use me and my skills in mighty ways, and that I will continue to trust Him with every part of my life, especially when I will have completed my degree. 

 p.s. I'll be posting again this weekend after our Sophomore Celebration!

2013-Looking back

Hello, lovely people! I haven't been on top of my blog posting game recently due to the crazy holiday season but I'm excited to sit down at my computer tonight and type out whats been on my heart lately. First of all, happy new years! I honestly can't believe a whole year has passed. 2013 was one of the most challenging and influential years of my life thus far for a few reasons. This week marks the one year anniversary of starting school at Grace College Indianapolis! 370 whole days ago, I packed up all my belongings from my three person dorm room, hugged my roomies goodbye, and turned in my key to Indiana Hall at Grace College. What a journey those past 370 days have been. Like I mentioned, some of my hardest and loneliest days were in 2013. A mere year ago, I remember feeling so lost and confused. I had first heard about Grace Indy from an advisor at Grace Winona Lake and decided to move home within a 24 hour period..the immediate adjustment I felt during those beginning weeks was almost too much for me to bear. At the time, I remember praying in my bed each night crying out to God and asking Him how this was going to all be okay. Wondering how this was all going to work out for my benefit. However, only one year later, I can look back on my big move and thank Jesus. Grace Indy was one of the best things to happen to me. Not only the school itself, but the situations that came with moving back home as a college sophomore, have forever changed my life. I have met some incredible people this past year. People who have influenced my life tremendously and probably don't even know it. People who have a special place in my heart and always will. People who I care for so immensely, even if right now they don't feel the same way about me. These people may not even know what they did that meant so much to me. A simple invitation to an event, sitting down next to me in class so I'm not sitting alone, introducing me to other solid people, saying the right thing just when I needed it, even a snapchat or text at the perfect time. Little things that may not mean anything to the person on the giving side but that meant so much to me on the receiving side. I've also met some of my lifelong best friends in the past 365 days. People who I literally KNOW will be around for many years to come. People who I never would've known existed if I hadn't moved back to Indy. It's crazy to think about how drastic life could have been if one little decision had been made differently. All of a sudden, I understood money. I looked back at my expenses during only one semester on main campus and literally wanted to throw up. Why does college have to be so expensive?! But then I looked at the total amount I was going to pay during my time at Grace Indy and all of the sudden, it made sense! I've never been good at saving money, and I'm still not. It's something I struggle with every single day. But living at home for "free", going to class less than 2 miles from my house, and attending a college where I would pay way way wayyy less than what I would be paying at main campus really helped me think about money and my future. Loans never meant anything to me. "Everyone has tons of loans after school", people would tell me. So I just assumed I would be one of those people. However, Grace Indy has given me the opportunity to have barely any loans. I do have some, but basically nothing compared to what I would have at a "normal" college campus.  I worked hard during this past year. Harder than I've ever worked before. I worked at a restaurant for half the year and worked for a family during the second half. With all that working came a substantial amount of money for a 19 year old girl. Then my bills came for school. And lots of that hard earned money went right to Grace Indy..and I wanted to cry. I never would've fully grasped the concept of working and earning money if it wasn't for my time at home this past year. This is just one concept that I learned in 2013 that will go with me for the rest of my life and I'm so grateful! I also learned a lot about friendships. I saw firsthand examples of encouraging friendships and discouraging friendships. Friendships that brought me down and friendships that brought me up. Friendships that pointed me towards Christ and friendships that pulled me away. I'm not perfect. And I'm certainly not a perfect friend. But God taught me a lot during this past year about really digging deep into friendships. Forget all the surfacey stuff. If I truly wanted to be someones friend and wanted them to be mine, it was gonna cost me. Having true friendships can be hard sometimes, and it often includes being vulnerable and honest, when you wanna do the opposite. You wanna seem "cool" and like a "perfect friend" but who wants a perfect friend anyways?! I've realized theres no point in pretending like I have it all together. True friendships love you through your good days, your bad days, and your really bad days. That's the kind of friend I'm striving to be and thats the kind of friends I want to surround myself with. Don't even get me started on family..I could go on for hours about the benefits I've seen develop in my family life during this past year. Every year I grow closer to my sisters, which is normal, but something about 2013 was different. I spent a lot of time with my sisters. By the time I would get home from a day filled with class and work, it would be late and I wouldn't have time to go hang out with any friends. So instead I would plop down on my sisters bed and we would just spend time together. Nothing "big" happened between us three, but something did change. I realized that 10 years from now, who am I going to call when my kids are driving me crazy? My good friends from high school, or even my college buddies? Most likely not. I'll probably be on a three-way call with Holl and Abs. Then I'll probably text 20 year old Cole (woah) and beg him to come entertain my kids while I picked up the house before my hubby got home. All my life, when I would get into arguments with my siblings and storm off and want to go spend time with my friends, my dad would say, "Don't forget who's house you'll be at on Thanksgiving someday." I would usually roll my eyes (when he wasn't looking of course) and still go hang out with friends. I never fully got what he was trying to get through my brain during those moments. I finally feel like I do. And it's wonderful.  My siblings aren't the only ones I've gotten closer to in my family. I've seen much more depth in my relationships with my parents. Maybe no one else sees it, maybe not even my parents themselves, but I feel it. Theres a sense of trust between us that was never fully there before. A sense of "grown up ness", understanding, and appreciation. We see eye-to-eye on more things now and I feel like there is  maybe a bridge that gets crossed at a certain point in a child's life, and I crossed it. I still have plenty of growing and maturing to do; don't get me wrong. But I do feel like I've matured in a few areas in the past year, and those things have truly benefited my relationships with my dad and Stacy.  And lastly, my spiritual journey in the past 365 days. I don't even know where to begin. I guess the best way to explain it is that when I came home from main campus, I felt confident in my faith. I knew what I stood for, what I believed, and how I wanted to live my life. But I was at a standing point. I wasn't looking to grow; I thought I was fine where I was at. Looking back, I don't know what was going through my head. The Bible clearly states that being a Christian means constantly messing up, constantly having to crawl back to the cross and pick ourselves up again, and to then strive to be even more like Jesus. But I wasn't understanding that a year ago.  I've begun to discover what an awful, disgusting, worthless, human being I am. I will NEVER be good enough and NEVER be even close to being perfect. However, in Christ, I am a beautiful, wonderful, precious daughter of the King. I AM good enough and I don't HAVE to be perfect. It's been a wonderful time of discovery and reflection. I wouldn't trade this year for anything. All of the lonely nights trying to fall asleep with tears streaming down my face, the friday nights sitting at home with my parents, the stressful and tiring days where all I wanted to do was give up, were worth it. And here I am, one year later, at a place I never could've dreamed I would be. We serve an incredible and merciful God. A God who has every single day planned out already for us, down to the very minute. A God who will put trials in our lives that will ultimately bring us closer to Him. A God who brings beauty from heartache. With all that being said, I can't wait to see what God has planned for me in 2014 :)

Grace Indy (fall of 2013)

autumn.

So it's November. It's been my favorite season for a few months now and it truly has been wonderful. Fall is filled with bonfires, s'mores, hayrides, pumpkin patches, carmel apples, hot apple cider, and my favorite part-amazing fashion styles. I can honestly say that buying and putting together outfits during the fall months is my absolute favorite. There is so much you can do-with layering, patterns, textures, accessories; its just so much fun! Because the possibilities are endless when it comes to fall fashion, I tend to take my fall outfits many different directions. I make it known that I don't dress in one certain "style". I'm not hipster, preppy, or classy; but more of a combination of them all. I decided to share with my blog readers a few of my favorite outfits that I put together this fall. Also, a huge thank you to my best friend, Lexi Mathioudakis, for shooting this mini photo shoot for me. Make sure you check out her website and go like her Facebook page! She's so talented :)

This first outfit definitely embodies my fall fashion sense. If I could wear flannels, hats, and scarves everyday I would be set. It also is my comfiest outfit that I'm sharing with you. I buy oversized flannels, and too many hats, and mix and match them all the time. I usually pair them with leggings if I wanna be extra comfy, but jeans look great too! These wedge sneakers from Aldo are my FAVORITE shoes I bought this season. At first, I was afraid they were too "out there", but I decided to just go for it and I seriously can wear them with anything! They also give me a little more height without being too obvious ;)
Oversized flannel-Value World ($0.87!) Mustard hat-Target Infinity Scarf-Charming Charlies Jeggings-Hollister Wedge sneakers-Aldo

 
This one is one of my favorites too! I love the pattern of the oxford with the texture of the vest. And of course, my wedges are so fun. I love wearing these wedges with tights and a dress or even with jeans and a sweater. For heels, they're way comfy and are pretty dang cute too. The camel brown color go with almost anything as well! Such a good find-Marshalls for under $20! My dark green vest is definitely a must have for fall. It's warm but not bulky like a coat, and you can keep it on inside because it's actually a part of your outfit! I love wearing it with different colored and patterned oxfords or flannels, and I even throw it over a sweater or sweatshirt sometimes! It was pretty pricey and I had a hard time buying it, but I definitely am glad I did! I know I'll be wearing it throughout the winter and maybe even into the spring! The red and blue gingham oxford is one of my favorites. I got in the slim men's cut from j.crew because I didn't want it to be too form fitting, and it fits exactly how I had hoped! 
Quilted vest- J. Crew Gingham oxford- J. Crew Jeggings- Hollister Camel wedges- Marshalls

My last favorite outfit is also a comfy one! This neon yellow sweater from Gap is so dang soft and goes with so much. I paired it with some leggings, a denim vest, and another infinity scarf. My purse is probably my favorite part of this outfit. I found it on sale at Target a few weeks ago. It makes such a statement with almost any outfit. I've really enjoyed taking two very different colors and putting them together in an outfit. Some may say they don't go well together, but I just love colors and I see no problem with mix and matching all colors -hence neon yellow and red!
Sweater-Gap Outlet Leggings- Victorias Secret Infinity Scarf-H&M Denim vest- American Eagle Purse-Target

I try to always make it really clear that my fashion style is very "Claire". I choose what pieces to put together based off of my own opinions and preferences. I don't need anyone else's approval or opinion when choosing what to wear anymore. I used to really struggle with this as a younger teenage girl. I made sure to dress just like every other girl at school-fitting in was mandatory in my eyes. Now however, I'm not like that. I don't need to dress like anyone else. If I like what I'm wearing, that's all that matters. I'm really blessed to feel confident in this area because so many girls get caught up in the whole idea of beauty. It's a daily struggle for many many young girls and even older women. It comes with being a girl in this century. Magazines, stores, and tv shows are screaming at us to look a certain way or that we aren't "good enough" until we wear a certain thing. It doesn't have to be like that. Dress in clothes that you're comfortable in. That you feel confident in. That describe who you are. That's the most important part of fashion. 
I'm sure there are some people who think I love shopping and fashion a little too much, or that me posting this shows how obsessed I am with my outward appearance. That's not the case though- and I mean that. I enjoy fashion. It's fun, makes me happy, and is exciting for me. But I am fully aware that finding my true happiness in Jesus Christ is the most important thing. And each and every day I continue to strive towards that goal-true satisfaction and happiness in only Him. I'm not perfect and never will be, but I am trying to follow Christ with my whole heart. I know fashion doesn't truly matter and our hearts are more important; however that doesn't mean I don't have to enjoy fashion.

Thanks for reading, lovelies!

college/life/future

Over the past few days, I've felt weird. I've been feeling lonely, confused, and even a bit sad. Every time I go on Facebook, I see another friend of mine posting pictures with their sorority sisters, or videos dancing with their room mates late at night, or funny statuses about inside jokes. I see people that I know from two completely different parts of my life, suddenly friends through meeting at college. I see old best friends with their new best friends, having the time of their life. And then there's me. A sophomore in college, living at home, commuting to class, and going straight to work every day. My social life is basically nonexistent, my sisters are my true friends, and in my free time I'm working on homework or laying in bed, completely exhausted. Is this how I would've pictured my "college life" on the day of my high school graduation? Absolutely not. But it's where I am. I don't know what I'm going to do in May once I get my associates degree in general studies, I don't want to have more debt to pay off, and I have no idea what I'm going to be doing a year from now. Sometimes I sit on my bed and just day dream. Day dream about what my life would be like if I was a typical college sophomore. I would be living in a dorm with amazing hall mates and room mates that make me laugh. I'd be staying up way too late with my friends, eating unnecessary amounts of snacks, watching movies, being stupid, and laughing constantly. I would be getting up minutes before class, grabbing my lanyard with my I.D. and room key, enjoying a beautiful walk to class across campus, barely making it through class awake, and then spending every possible moment avoiding homework and creating too many memories with my friends.  I know all this because I experienced it, for a short time anyways. I have had one precious semester as a true college student. It was a time filled with growing, learning, experiencing, and figuring out who I truly was. It was laying outside on blankets in the grass with friends while watching scary movies and eating candy. It was driving around town while listening to music, with way too many unnecessary trips to Walmart. It was being crammed into a twin size bed with two of my best friends, laughing our heads off, and not even knowing what we were laughing at. It was sharing clothes, curling and braiding each others hair, and singing "Good Morning" by Mandisa while getting ready in the morning. It was helping and encouraging one another through our school work, eating each others food, and drawing abs on our stomachs with marker while "exercising". It was pretending like we were asleep when our RA would knock on our door because we were being too loud during quiet hours. It was spending time with and meeting people who surprised, shocked, disappointed, and loved me. It was spending hours sitting on the bathroom floor spilling our guts to each other, crying, praying, and being there for each other. It was confrontation, awkward little arguments that always ended up blowing over, hurt feelings, embarrassment and sometimes even loneliness. 

Even though I was only on a campus for a few short months, Grace main campus had an impact on me. I may not have met as many people, made as many friends as I would've liked, or truly done everything I would've hoped to do in college during my time there, but who I was and what happened was all God ordained-I don't doubt that one bit. I have way too many memories to ever describe. They come to me randomly; a certain song on the radio, a familiar nail polish color, a long lost shirt that hasn't been worn since I was there, a small note, or even a particular food that we always ate. Sometimes when this happens, I feel an incredible amount of sadness. There was so much I regret about that semester, so much I wish wouldn't have ever happened. But there was also so much that I love and cherish, so much that I will end up telling my kids about someday. I feel like there are some people that look at my time and experience in college so far and look down upon me. I moved back home and transferred to a school near home because I couldn't handle things anymore, I gave up, I was afraid. But I don't look at it like that. I was strong enough to make the decision to leave without anyone else's opinion, strong enough to tell my best friends that I was leaving, strong enough to pack up all of my belongings and pack it all into my small car pretty much by myself, in less than 24 hours. I was strong enough to look forward with hope, rather than look back at the people and the experiences behind me. When I have those moments of sadness or doubt, I think about who I am today. The woman the Lord has shaped me into since leaving Grace main campus. Looking back at who I was just one year ago living in Indiana Hall room 206, I am not that girl. I have truly and richly found Jesus, I have finally given Him all parts of my life, I am no longer held back by people who only brought me down, I have Jesus on my side. I have grown so much closer with my siblings and parents, and even a few friends who are still here in Indy. I have been able to help my sisters get ready for homecoming, go to Cole's soccer games, spend some one on one time with my grandma, love on my doggies, and attend the church I grew up in. I have had the time and resources to start getting involved with an organization called Sole Hope, with whom I hope to travel to Uganda with in 2014. I've met incredible people at Grace College Indy- people who accept me for who I am, my shortcomings, my flaws, my failures, and love me. Peers who truly encourage me and bring me closer to the Cross. So yes, I live at home with my family. I work constantly to pay off my school bills. I have barely any free time. But I am surrounded by a small group of godly college kids. The smaller community at Grace Indy gives me the chance to truly know people in a deep way, to not be able to hide anything from anybody. We are a body of believers who lift each other up, who are there for each other through the good days and the "monday morning" days, and who truly care about each other. We are all unique, different, and strange people. Yet we all fit; we're all a family, and I feel so incredibly blessed to be where I am at, with the people I am with, doing life with them.

 I may not have a major, or future school plans for next fall, or even late night chats and giggles in my dorm room, but I promise you, what I do have is even better than all of that: true friendships and a Jesus who has my life in the palm of His hand.